"I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was, and now what I'm with isn't it. And what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me." - Abraham Simpson, 'Homerpalooza' Watch the days phase in and out. Try to memorize the separate feelings of sunlight and moonlight on your skin while you are still able to. Watch people gather in small groups behind you, pointing and staring but never approaching. They always seem to be able to throw out insults about you from far away, but when faced with the opportunity to approach you with complaints, they retreat like wounded animals. Watch the clock hands dwindle, wind around, not lingering in any one place for too long. Time is a valuable thing and it's slipping away all too fast.
Smiles are all the same when you mistake a polite greeting for someone else to be for you. Smiles are all the same when the intention is minimal and you're caught waving back to someone who never waved to you. Just keep your head down and make your way past all the little groups of people. The cliques, the gathering. Sift into the mainstream and just flow with it. It's just as easy if you don't acknowledge anyone's presence anyhow. Most aren't worth the few seconds of your life as it is.
Filter out the negatives. Hold onto any small positive you might be able to produce so that you can get through the day. Wait at the curbside away from the crowd, because if you had to listen to them ramble, you'd be forced to scream "Shut the hell up".
Hell, at one point in time, that was the nicest thing that anyone had ever said to
you. The very nicest thing. It isn't because you're "different" that you haven't melded into some sort of grouping. It's because you refuse to.
And why am I saying you? Maybe because I'd like to think this is your problem and not mine. But it may not even be a problem.
Neutral in the pending wars of the masses, fighting not to get caught up in the strings. Inhale. Exhale. All the noxious fumes. Breathe in, breathe out. Careful that it doesn't all retain in your lungs.
Addiction isn't control is it? No, it certainly is not.
